Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
