i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
