Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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