last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
