come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
