You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
