i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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