even my farts smell like vagina
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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