Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
