u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
