Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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