Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
