my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
