So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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