she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
