I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
