Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
