we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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