Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize