Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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