What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
