I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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