mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
