gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
