guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
