question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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