So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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