Moan for me like Helen Keller
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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