i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize