chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
