I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize