Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
