Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have already put on my inside pants.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
