Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
