Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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