woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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