You really coming over, don't trick.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
