I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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