Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
