She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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