i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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