I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
