moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
