WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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