You're so nebulous sometimes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
