He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
