I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
