My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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