Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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