you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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