So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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