i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
