IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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