You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
