if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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