you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
