Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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