Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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