and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize