woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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