just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize