So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
