I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
