I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
