I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
