We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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