we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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