Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
