i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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