The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
