Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
