So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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