I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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