Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
