Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
