Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
