Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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