Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
