I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
