This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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